Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
