Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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