get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
