we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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