not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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