someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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