Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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