umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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