dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
