my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
