Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
