You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
