if you like me you must not know who I am
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
