She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
