Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
