The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
