just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
