I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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