She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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