I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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