You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
