Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
