her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
