He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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