the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
