I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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