Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
