Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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