K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
