I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
