Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
