Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
