I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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