I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
