Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
