did you get engaged???
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
