I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
