very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
