I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Blood and glitter go together right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
