Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
