He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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