She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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