apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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