She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
