so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
