So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
