i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
