So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
