You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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