i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
