Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
