so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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