Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
