it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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